Last month my oldest daughter turned 11. It was the first time she had a low-key birthday, spent ‘just hanging out’ with only a few friends. As per her request, there was no official party nor a cake with candles. Actually, it was a day much like any other, and for the first time I had no special duties except some driving around for the birthday girl and said friends. So, again, a day like all others.
To her, it was a wonderful day and would tell anyone it was the best. Myself? I paced a lot, unnerved by the feeling that something was terribly off.
I spent the majority of her birthday in a fog, thinking back to parties past and all the balloons and laughter that was synonomous this very special day. Hours upon hours of shopping, cooking, baking, decorating, and preparing; tons of work for a couple fun hours which were over in a flash. Then with bellies and hearts full, we’d flail onto the couch with a feeling of happiness.
It’s a crazy event, but an anticipated tradition nonetheless.
This year, there was none of that.
My Isabelle is my oldest, the one that made me a mother. In her is all the firsts of parenting, someone I’ve literally watched grow before my eyes for, well, 11 years.
Instead of 100’s of lively and colourful photos like birthdays past, there are 2 of her 11th birthday. One of Isabelle and her friends together, with 8 eyeballs shooting me the ‘is this over yet?‘ look. Another is them sitting together for burgers and milkshakes, which is a comical photo, complete with a few closed eyes and mouths munching. As much as I love these two photos, they make me feel a little sad, as they are proof of the remarkable difference when compared to past years.
Actually, looking back, there’s barely evidence of a birthday at all. Thus, I’m sure in my old age I won’t even remember that these photos are from her birthday. Likewise, when she is old herself, she’ll look through my photos and think we skipped her 11th birthday altogether.
The point is, the anniversary of her birth is deserving of a grand celebration. How can I not be unsettled by the fact that the traditional big bash feels past-tense now? I refuse to settle for this being something that used to be worthy of a grand hoopla.
Heck no.
So, are kids birthday celebrations for them, or us? … It’s ok to admit that we need them too.
Fast forward to another day, much like many others. It was chaos with: appointments, meetings, school pick-up, a quick clothing change, dance, cheer, cook, eat, homework, and then bed. After I tucked in the twins, my oldest came upstairs to grab a glass of water.
I took a look at her 11 year-old self and couldn’t resist, “I miss you”, I said to her.
Indeed, I missed her so much despite her being right in front of me. I missed the baby, toddler, and school-age her; my sidekick whom was without fail, always with me. Now, it’s middle school and sports, friends and a social life more active than my own. Somedays I feel like I don’t see my sidekick at all. It’s the truth, I miss her.
“I Miss you too, Mom”, and she hugged me tight.
Since some past rules seem to be breaking, I decided to add another into the mix, “Wanna have a treat with me before bed?”
“Sure!“, her eyes lit up like that toddler I remember from a Christmas long ago.
I brought a Deep ’n Delicious® Chocolate Cake, plates and forks to the table; then sat down across from her.
As I cut two sections for her and myself, I sang ‘Happy Birthday‘ in my head. I closed my eyes and pictured her younger self with an oversized party hat, a massive silly grin, blowing out candles with all her might, with applause all around.
We both took our first creamy bite of Deep ’n Delicious® cake.
“So … 11 huh?” I said.
“Yeah”
I thought about that for a moment before saying, “Love you sweetie”
“Love you too Mom“, she replied, and in a way that told me she truly meant it.
I finally got to share that much-needed slice of cake with my birthday girl, on her unbirthday. It was only then that I found some peace from nagging restlessness.
It was a perfect quiet moment shared with just my newly turned 11 year old daughter. A moment that was desperately needed, and highly deserved. I have a feeling she needed this undeclared celebration just as much as I did.
Disclosure: This post was brought to you by McCain Foods Canada. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author
and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of McCain Foods Canada.
.
Jennifer says
10/06/2015 at 11:25 amI think birthday parties are for the kids and for the parents. The kids love the party, and the parents love to see their kids together.
Jeanette says
10/06/2015 at 11:27 amOHH man that breaks my heart! My kiddo is still in the birthday party stage and hope he doesn’t outgrow it for years! You daughter is beautiful and just know you made her truly independent and that is one of the best gifts a mom can give to their child.
Tammi says
10/22/2015 at 7:05 amAwe, thank you and so very true. Treasure the age!
Stacie says
10/06/2015 at 2:15 pmThat is such a sweet story. I love seeing the young adults my kids are becoming, but I do miss the days when they looked to me for everything.
Danielle says
10/06/2015 at 2:29 pmI don’t want my kids to grow up! If they could just stay small forever, and I can do fun and great things for them, I’d be happy. But, I know that’s not possible and one day I will experience a child’s birthday just as you have. At least your daughter did what she wanted and still had a great time. I know not having to plan and shop around as much must have been easier.
Robin says
10/06/2015 at 2:52 pmMy oldest turned 11 this year and we had his last party. Next year will be a sleepover with friends.
Brenda Roy says
10/06/2015 at 3:54 pmI truly miss our “little” Isabelle as well; however, am so proud of the young lady she is becoming. Love her to pieces!
Jennifer says
10/06/2015 at 4:19 pmawwwww you made me cry! I used to whisper “I miss you” to the boys during the summer right before they started school. It wasn’t that I was going to miss them while they were at school, it was that I knew they were entering a new phase of life, one without me, and I was truly going to miss the little person that they were at the time. I completely understand. With a 9 year old in the house, I have a feeling that I’ll be in your shoes again soon.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:51 pmAwe, you have me crying all over again Jennifer! Sigh – so bittersweet. Parenting is a tough job.
Jeanine says
10/06/2015 at 4:28 pmThe first and last birthday party I had was for my oldest at age 5. That was it for us, never again! He’s 12 now. We now just do our family (there is 8 of us!) we have a nice dinner, cake and celebrate just us. I miss all my kiddos being so small, they grow so so so fast!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:52 pmThat is wonderful, and we always have friends and family join us. But, this year? nada. It was like a Christmas spent alone, really, these are the time we need our people with us you know?
Stacie says
10/06/2015 at 5:31 pmThank you for sharing your experience. As a mother sometimes I want to turn back time and make them a little girl again. But daughters do grow up and we just have to grin and bear it.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:52 pmSo true Stacie. So much of raising kids is learning to accept what it is and make the best. Sometimes that is so hard.
Shauna says
10/06/2015 at 6:51 pmOkay, this made me a bit teary. That is an awesome memory you just built with her that I am sure she will never forget… it will be just right up there with all those parties 🙂 and that cake? Yummy!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:53 pmThanks Shauna, we have to adapt right?
Liz Mays says
10/06/2015 at 7:49 pmThis is so sweet. I think some children really like to celebrate on their own terms and I guess that doesn’t always mean balloons and festivities. It’s hard not to miss those days though.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:53 pmYou are so right. Perhaps I can get a few balloons next time, just for my own sake. lol
Paula H says
10/06/2015 at 8:03 pmYour girls are so adorable! The birthday girl looks identical to you! Its sad when they get to that age, and on their way to becoming ladies. You miss the sweet, fun things. But cake makes everything better lol
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:54 pmThank you Paula! Cake DOES make everything better, we need that once in a while. For sure.
Jennifer says
10/06/2015 at 8:07 pmMy kids have never wanted big parties or anything like that either. THey just wanted a few friends to come and stay the night and hang out which is what we did. Sometimes it is the little things like that, that make those older birthdays special 🙂
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:54 pmGood way of looking at it!
Valerie says
10/06/2015 at 8:26 pmI absolutely love this post. So incredibly sweet. I am glad you were able to sit down with a piece of cake together!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:54 pmThank you so much Valerie!
Vera Sweeney says
10/06/2015 at 8:59 pmIt is hard to watch our kids grow up sometimes and make their own decisions. This sounds like amazing cake and what a perfect moment for it.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:55 pmIt was nice, just what we needed. Growing up is harder when it’s not just you – that’s for sure!
gingermommyrants says
10/06/2015 at 10:32 pmI love to have a party to celebrate the kids birthdays. As they get older i know that they are going to want to do their own thing.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:55 pmEvery celebration counts! I need to remember this from now on. I didn’t realize until now that those are limited. Too limited.
Stacie says
10/06/2015 at 11:28 pmI’ve heard it can be quite the adjustment when the kids are no longer interested in the big parties. You seem like you handled it quite well, though.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:55 pmThanks Stacie!
Aubrey says
10/06/2015 at 11:29 pmI have to say, I don’t think I have ever gotten the ” do we have to take this picture” look from my kids on their birthdays.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:56 pmHa! You are lucky! I am quite the photog though. I’m sure they think my eye colour is .. lens. ;P
Autumn says
10/06/2015 at 11:42 pmI think the first few birthday parties are for the parents, but become about the kids once they understand what is going on. My oldest just turned d 7 a few months ago! It is hard to think of how fast time has gone by.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:56 pmSo fast!
Sabrina t says
10/07/2015 at 12:24 amCongratulations to your little girl! Birthday parties are so much for for kids!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:56 pmThank you Sabrina!
Scarlet says
10/07/2015 at 6:58 amShe looks just like you! Now I want to celebrate my unbirthday!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:57 pmLet’s do that – with cake!!
Ourfamilyworld says
10/07/2015 at 8:38 amHappy Birthday Isabelle! She looks so much like you.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:57 pmThank you!
Judy Cowan says
10/07/2015 at 9:02 amThey grow up so fast 🙁 Glad you still got to share a special moment with her for her birthday even if it wasn’t on the day.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:57 pmI’m grateful for that too Judy!
Ira says
10/07/2015 at 12:55 pmI never thought I would be sad watching my kids grow, but I am… your post made me cry and want to hug my kids 🙂
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:57 pmHug tight Ira!!
Shelley Zurek says
10/07/2015 at 2:06 pmBittersweet indeed to witness the passage of time. Yet, we would not want them to be frozen in time, as much as for their sake as ours. Happy Birthday to your lovely daughter.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:58 pmIndeed! It’s amazing to watch them grow but bittersweet at the same time. Such is life – we must adapt.
valerie says
10/07/2015 at 3:14 pmI hope your little girl had a fantastic day……
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:58 pmThank you!
Lynda Cook says
10/07/2015 at 3:56 pmThis was such a touching story, and brought back some memories of my own girls and how every year was different. At least you still managed to get a couple photos to look back on!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:58 pmThanks Lynda!
Krystal says
10/07/2015 at 5:44 pmLove the memories. I agree with you – I think the parties are for us parents too!
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:58 pmFor sure – and that’s a good thing! We need it.
kathy downey says
10/08/2015 at 6:44 amMy kids are adults but your story touched my heart and a tear to my eye
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:59 pmThank you Kathy, Sorry to make you sad though 🙁
Darlene Demell says
10/08/2015 at 9:56 amHappy Belated birthday to your daughter. She is beautiful. Kids grow up way too quick. I miss the days of my kids birthdays, but remember them all. Seems just like yesterday. Enjoy many more birthdays with her, soon she will be celebrating her own kids birthdays. 🙂
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 12:59 pmOh no – another worry to add to the list!!! lol
Stephanie LaPlante says
10/08/2015 at 11:53 amSuch a sweet post. I’m surprised she chose an unbirthday so young. Sounds like she’s very mature and selfless. Beautiful little girl you have. Totally your mini-me.
Tammi says
10/08/2015 at 1:00 pmOh my gosh – she’s 11 going on 17. She’s so mature, but smart, kind and outgoing – she amazes me. Also, time does pass so very quickly.
jamie hall says
10/09/2015 at 5:54 pmAwe what a touching post , I have a toddler and to be honest it’s going way to fast for my liking
Tammi says
10/22/2015 at 7:06 amUgh, always!
Athena says
10/11/2015 at 7:43 amok, you’re having me feel emotional here lol. I’m actually going through the same thing with my daughter who just turned 11 and the difference that even just a year has made has been incredible.
Tammi says
10/22/2015 at 7:07 am** hugs mama **
Elizabeth Vlug says
10/16/2015 at 2:40 amWhat a touching post. And it reminds me of how hard it is to let go. My kids are adults now, but they will always be my babies.
Tammi says
10/22/2015 at 7:07 amThey will won’t they? I feel the same
loucheryl says
10/16/2015 at 3:16 pmI love Deep N Delicious cake. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I would be quite happy with one of these for my birthday cake!
Tammi says
10/22/2015 at 7:08 amHope you had a great birthday!
Heidi Pawluk says
11/13/2015 at 11:34 pmSuch a sweet girl, love birthday parties, fun times
JaimeeM says
11/15/2015 at 6:47 amHappy unbirthday to your girl! I remember when I had my first low key birthday, I actually think it was one of my best, no anxiety of being the center of attention for everyone in the family, and my friends. I was able to just spend some time with those I really wanted to. 🙂 I bet she loved her low key birthday and had a blast
Elva Roberts says
11/17/2015 at 6:57 pmI can relate to your post. The first time they go out with their friends and don’t celebrate at home is the hardest. My girls are adults and we tend to celebrate their birthdays every year at our home or theirs. Just wait.
kathy downey says
11/18/2015 at 7:52 amIts so heart-breaking to see them turn into young women so quickly.She is just beautiful
Victoria Ess says
11/28/2015 at 7:21 amReading this really tugged on my heart strings. It’s hard when relationships change…
Chandra O"Connor says
11/30/2015 at 2:57 pmits bitter sweet, i still cant believe im a grandmother! i love it but it feels like my oldest was just a little girl.