I walked up to a very small green and white house. I did not recognize this house, yet being there made me feel so welcome. I didn’t get far up the front walk when someone approached me and told me they were gone. I felt very sad, looking at the house and wishing that I had come sooner. I heard quiet voices coming from the back of the house.
There waiting for me, were my parents. They were not the old, fragile and sick people that haunt my last memories of them. Instead, they were young, and looking like they did in the late 50’s. They were perfectly and neatly dressed. Dad wore a button up dress shirt and pants, and Mom in a simple a-line dress with a crisp white cardigan. Dad looked exactly like he did from the pictures at that time, just like a younger version of Elvis. I marveled at his handsomeness, and he looked at me and smiled, so warm and gentle. Mom’s hair was in soft curls, loosely framing her smooth and creamy complexion. As I slowly approached them, Mom and Dad reached out for me. I ran the last few steps and collapsed at their laps. I sobbed and sobbed, repeating how I missed them so much. I ran my fingers through my Mom’s hair and stroked her beautiful rosy cheeks. ‘My Pretty Mom…’, ‘I miss my sweet mom…’. I looked at Dad and pleaded for them not to leave me. Mom was the only one of the two to speak,
‘we’re fine honey, you are fine. We love you’
5:11AM
My eyes opened and I realized I was in bed, laying on my side – tears were falling, soaking my pillow. Inside my head, I screamed, ‘go back to sleep…I need to see them…go back to sleep’. But, I didn’t.
I lay frozen, staring at the wall, with my heart feeling like it was breaking. As I lay there shaking with fear and sorrow, I felt a pressure and release on my forehead, like someone had just kissed my head. I laid there numb, and eventually cried myself back to sleep with not another dream.
I felt happy to see them so vividly, and glad to see that they were pain-free, and at peace. Yet, at the same time, I was left shattered by their visit. I felt them, smelled them and talked to them – and now they are gone all over again.
That entire morning, I felt like I had all those years ago when they had passed away. The pain of losing my parents was again fresh, like it just happened. I carried on my day in absolute daze, weeping uncontrollably many times.
It wasn’t until early afternoon that I realized that it had been exactly 5 years ago that my Mother passed, to the day.
It was real.
I know in my heart that my parents visited me….
….I miss them so much it hurts
.
Cindy M says
12/09/2010 at 2:02 pmThanks for sharing this. I’ve never visited your website before and was just browsing for recipes and stumbled here. My mom passed away last November and some days I wonder how long my grief will last. And somedays I wonder if it’s normal to want to see her so bad that I can’t stop thinking about it. After reading your post, crying most or the way through it and sharing your pain it reminds me that I’m normal and what I feel is normal. This 39 year old Alberta mom misses her Ukrainian mom as much as any other daughter who knows the pain of losing a parent. Again, thank you.
C
Tammi says
01/03/2011 at 11:01 pmThanks for commenting Cindy – I’m sending you an email….
And, I also noticed that all my comments to this post are gone.
There was such beautiful comments too….what a shame.
Darn technology….
~
Carol L says
01/04/2011 at 11:18 amHi Tammi,
I’m also a new follower and happened upon this post. I’m sitting here with tears because I know exactly the loss you feel. It’s 10 years my om left us unexpectedly and it’s as if it was yesterday some days. Dad died 3 months ago. I truly believe your dream was their way to comfort you. I remember when I had dreams of my Mom and it was so very real I also woke with tears and was shot for the day. I don’t think we ever get over it but somehow hold onto our memories and get through our days. I wish you peace at heart. š
Carol L.
[email protected]
Tammi says
01/31/2011 at 9:59 pmThanks so much, Carol.
Sending you my own {hugs}, there’s solace in knowing that your feelings are others’ feelings too. Somehow it makes it seem like things will get better….
Julie says
01/28/2011 at 6:41 pmJust tweeted this to you but wanted to say a little more. I lost my dad 14 years ago (wow), and gosh, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love those nights when he visits me in my dreams. It’s so warming, I can hug him, I can smell him, I can see him and that is sooooo priceless. I miss him everyday, literally, but I know he’s happy where he is. I say to friends I would love to just sit across the table from him, not even say anything, but to just sit there and look at him, that that would be enough….well, those dreams make that happen.
Hugs
Tammi says
01/31/2011 at 10:01 pmHi Julie,
Yes! I find myself trying to remember the small details of my parents’ features, and wishing that I had paid more attention to what was in front of me. It’s not good to live in regret, but I guess in some form, it’ll always be there….
I wish those dreams would come more often though, but them do seem to come at the points where we need them most!
Marisa says
01/28/2011 at 7:16 pmHi Tammi….
Its Marisa from Hasbro. I just want to say what a beautiful and touching post. I have not experienced a loss as you have and others who have commented have… But I did want to say that I have no doubt that your parents really did visit you in your dream. It WAS real. Embrace it……it will happen again and you will get to experience that warmth and closeness you have missed for so long.
I have been deeply touched by your post as I am currently going through a difficult time in my life with my husband suffering from Cancer…..so everyday I fear losing him and cannot bear the thought of it…..he is so young and my girls (4 years and 2 yo twins) need him more than anything.
….thx for sharing your story:)
Rodney says
02/12/2012 at 8:50 pmWhoa! That hit home. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I, like you, have a had a couple of those dreams.
Julia says
06/16/2012 at 5:30 pmWhat a vivid dream. I agree with you, they came for a visit to reassure you. I had an experience like that years after my Mother passed away too. I can’t believe that we are just gone after we pass, something lingers and watches over us. (((HUGS)))
Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens says
09/26/2013 at 9:34 pmYou were sent that beautiful dream because you needed to hear that message. Tammi, I never had the pleasure of knowing your parents, but I have been truly blessed to know you. You are a loving mother, a truly generous friend and have such an amazingly pure heart. All the best of your parents are within you and I have no doubt they would be so proud of everything you have accomplished. Please know that one day …. you will see them again and won’t that day be awesome!