Parenting Twins, I’m So Glad I’m Not You


A Parenting Twins Conversation:

Is there a time when this phrase would be appropriate to say to someone?

A homeless person on the street? A person in a wheelchair? A friend? A person going through infertility? Someone suffering a loss? A Mom With Multiples? … how about not all all …

Today I was stopped by a woman, who asked the phrase that I could not possibly have heard before {sarcasm}, “Are those twins?”. Chuckling to myself I said, “Yes they are” and smiled proudly at the two toddlers smiling back at me.

The lady laughed and said, “I’m so glad I’m not you”. In an instant my smile dropped and my eyes bugged out. She continued, “I’m so glad I didn’t have twins” and looked lovingly at her own 3 children beside her {who must have been 18 months, 3 and 5}.

My mouth dropped in shock as she actually looked at my twins in disgust! She meant it!

Beside the point, but possibly worth a mention: my twin toddlers {at this point in time} were quiet, well behaved and happy. She, on the other hand, had one crying baby and an older child who was going through her purse and tossing items out onto the ground. Was this stranger beside me, really judging my own children and thinking hers were perfect? Having no previous knowledge of me nor my children, I was shocked that someone could say a phrase like this – for the only reason that I had 2 children, who are exactly the same age.

I’m not going to say that having multiples is easy, or hard for that matter. That’s not the point. Simply put, they are my children. And whether they were born together or 20 years apart, I love them all the same. I would only assume that each parent would feel the same way.

I would never EVER say this phrase to someone, in any circumstance. Sure, there are preferred and ideal lives which we hope to live, such as winning the lottery or never facing death or sickness. Yet to look down on someone’s life because of the age of their children?

There are hard days, hilarious days and fabulous days when raising multiples, just like any other person who is parenting children. Despite those hard days, I see my children as nothing less than a blessing. A double blessing!

After trying to recover from shock, I fought everything in me to not reply, “And I’m so glad that I didn’t have your children”… just to point out the insult. Yet, I forced that fake smile and looked away, literally biting my tongue until it hurt. I tried to keep in mind that maybe she wasn’t just that rude, and might of been having a terrible day. I hope it was the latter, but is that really a reason to speak before thinking?

I’m so glad I’m not you” is not a phrase I would say to anyone whether I knew them or not. In this case I chose to shut my mouth and not respond to the comment, yet I might just put kindness aside next time and not hold back. Assuming my life is hell just because I have multiples {?!}, well, Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Mom of multiples.

Syndicated on



  1. says

    She probably just meant that you are awesome and she couldn’t have done as good a job as you raising twins :)

    Well done on biting your tongue. Sometimes it is just best to assume people don’t mean things how they sound. Not worth the fight and all that right?

    I do that when people say that about me and my son with Autism.

    • Tammi says

      Yes, it was all jealousy, right? lol
      Really, some people and there lack of tact just astounds me… just terrible.

  2. Lynette says

    The world is full of interesting people! There are plenty of people who would love multiples!

    I am thankful that you are not like her and rose above the circumstance! Cause I can only imagine how An upset a mom with twice the anger and twice the smarts could put a woman in her place!

  3. says

    I had 3 kiddos under 3 (my oldest was 32 months old, 4 months shy of 3 years old, when my 3rd was born). I was told this same thing more than once. It really offended me. I actually asked one lady who said it to me, “How is that supposed to make me feel?” She was obviously stunned by my question, stammering, “Well, um, I just know that I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes…..” To which I pressed again, “It’s OK to be thankful that you’re not me, but telling an exhausted mom with 3 tiny people in tow that you’re glad you’re not in my shoes can only make yourself feel better. It isn’t at all encouraging or helpful to me. If you don’t want to be punched by the next sleep-deprived, toddler and infant toting young mom, I suggest you keep your thankfulness to yourself.” (It was a particularly difficult day for me, and I was up to my eyeballs in ‘comments’ and sideways glances from people who had a lot of room to judge and no decency to even hold a store door open for me to get through….) The woman exited quickly, eyes wide, and I have no idea what came of that ‘conversation’… but I did feel a little better! LOL! And whenever I see a mom with littles, or multiples (my sister had TWO sets of twins) I always ask how she’s doing and if she needs a hand. It’s how I would have like to have been treated when I was in her shoes!!

    • Tammi says

      I loved this:
      “telling an exhausted mom with 3 tiny people in tow that you’re glad you’re not in my shoes can only make yourself feel better.”
      that is so correct!! Instead of stating the obvious, which doesn’t help anything, offer to do something about it!
      Great words to live by, thank you!!

    • says

      This is very nicely put and your reply to that woman is excellent !! I sometimes get in situations where I wish I had this cool answer and .. I just don’t know what to say..haha (of course later at home I’d be like: I should’ve said this and that and grrrr !!

  4. says

    I think someone’s need to say something like that isn’t a reflection on you at all… perhaps her children were hard to handle and the idea of having 2 of them at the same time seemed like a fate she could never work herself through.

    I think having multiples are great, met a women who had triplets just on Saturday, while I can’t imagine her shopping bill when purchasing 3 of the same items, 3 pants, 3 shirts and 3 shoes that wont be worn again next season, I guess that is the best worst case scenario.

    Kids are great,… don’t let someone else’s reflection of their life affect your family… by all means you are happy and that’s all that matters!

    • Tammi says

      Hi Angie, you are right – sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have triplets and not twins. People always wonder how I manage with 2, yet I have 2 arms. lol
      I carried them both as babies and I still do now at almost 35 lbs. Yet, with triplets, you really can’t carry all 3 {I’m assuming}. yet I do know, from experience you adjust, you learn and adapt. I see the interaction of triplets and it makes me smile. Same as twins, good as well as bad days {and yes, always an added expense with each additional child} – but I know I would be just fine. Great point of view!

  5. Hailey says

    I always wonder what some people are thinking (or not thinking as the case may be). I also often wonder when I have, in my own way, done the same thing without realizing it (I’d like to think never, but that’s not likely).

    However, it’s comments like this that make me want to ask the person *what are your intentions in saying that?*. My guess is she was more referring to her stress level with her own kids, and trying to imagine having two of THEM at the same time was overwhelming to her.

    I have several friends with twins and all have said, that although it can be difficult at times (but so can parenting one child), they LOVE it and wouldn’t trade it for anything…twice the cuteness and twice the fun!

    I bet your kids are just dolls and if she had any idea what kind of fabulous life you have, she’d think twice before repeating her comment!

    hmph…some people!

    • Tammi says

      Who knows what her life/day was like at that moment – yet I did take it as an insult. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive about some twin-remarks. Sometimes when people see us out, it’s shopping and trying to tackle kids/groceries/rushing. But, YES, they are sweet and cute – and the interaction between them just takes my breath away.

      I am happy to be their mom!

      • Hailey says

        I imagine I would have taken it as an insult too….while I don’t know whether she meant to be so rude, I can’t imagine there were honest intentions with a comment like that – how else could it be taken?
        When a friend of mine got pregnant after her 4th child passed away (he was 16 months old) a lady said to her *Oh, I see you got a replacement there* (referring to her pg belly). I was so impressed with her restraint in saying *Oh, there could never be a replacement for him*….I think I would have lost it and likely burst into tears on the spot. Sometimes people just have NO idea how ignorant their comments are. I got asked EVERY day when I was pg with Jonah if I was having twins, even once triplets. I know I was big (ie, a friend of mine who was pg with twins was smaller than me…lol)…but it definitely got old having everyone feel the need to point it out.

        I think you handled yourself remarkably well…sometimes we are so caught off guard by a situation or comment we aren’t sure how to react. We all have difficult moments, even with the best kids, singles or multiples….but to made to feel like our children or situation is horrible can be just plain mean. :(

  6. Tara Kaberry says

    Twins are fascinating and such a novelty. Some people just can’t handle not being a part of the action. Their way of coping with that is to dismiss or even discredit that which they envy. Pity her insecurity. Relish that you conducted yourself with poise and grace. Good job !

    • Tammi says

      Thanks Tara, everyone does handle things differently. You never know, she could have had a bad experience herself to feel so strongly. I only know my side, just as she only knows hers. Some are so quick to judge though….

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